2/46 "I Graze"

I don't know if this is an appropriate realm for reflection on such matters. I know as a general rule, disciplines such as these should be done in private. However, I need the accountability to help me to conquer what I feel is a stumbling block in my life. I have frequently set out to do things better in my diet and frequently came up with convenient excuses to absolve those commitments. Much of that absolution comes from a lack of accountability. So, that being said, I document the following journey, not in order to draw praise from men or to set myself on a plane higher than others, but to set myself in front of men (or women) that may hold me accountable for the choices I will make over the coming weeks.

Food will maintain no control in my life. After only two days, bad habits are already becoming apparent. The habit most apparent today is my habit of grazing on food that may be lying around as I walk through the kitchen. Every day after school, the kids come home and get a snack. It happens every day like clockwork, we don't even think about it. Apparently, I do the same. While the kids were enjoying the beautiful sunshine and mid-afternoon feast of whales, cheese and crackers, grapes, applesauce, etc. I realized that I had walked by and grabbed a handful of whales and tossed them down the hatch. In fact, the realization didn't come to me until about an hour later when the heart burn set in. (Apparently a large handful of whales on a 2-day empty stomach don't mix well.) All that was spurned in me, then was a craving for more.

I wonder how many other things I do in my life that come as second nature but underhandedly and subtly pound at the infrastructure of the Godly father, husband, and friend I am wanting to be. I also wonder how many of those things do nothing but spurn me on to continue in what is undesirable while making the unwanted action less and less undesirable with each passing infraction. I pray for wisdom that only comes from God, a heart that is soft and receptive, and eyes that are wide open to see the places where my Savior has asked me to be different, to refrain from sidestepping those issues in my life, and to be aware of the guiding voice of the Spirit within.

Peace <><
Josh