22/46 Big Steps on a Long Journey

The journey continues. Like herding cattle on the trails through the Old West, there are trials and triumphs along the way. We encounter moments where we find success and moments where we find obstacles that try to prevent us from achieving the goal that lies ahead. Sundays have most definitely been bright spots... victories if you will... along the journey I have undertaken. This last Sunday, however, seemed to be more of a Monday hindrance than a Sunday delight. Monday was the most difficult Monday so far. Today was the first time since the beginning that I have felt a real break through, mentally. Saturday was a good step also. At the ballpark playing baseball, sunflower seeds, ballpark hot dogs and nachos just seem to fall hand in hand. While buying snacks for the boys, it wasn't easy to refuse the treats for me... until I saw the price tag. They weren't so enticing any more. Today on the other hand, was a different story. I was called to minister to a friend in a time of crisis. He needed an ear and a word of advice. Why not Starbucks (since there is no Scooters Coffehouse here...)? I mean there is nothing like a $5 cup of coffee to get people to open up. On the way there, he had mentioned that he had not eaten lunch or breakfast. It was now 2:30 pm. So we pulled up to McDonald's and went inside. I figured I could spend $5 on his coffee or $5 on a meal. Inside was the challenge. The $1.00 menu. I am embarrassed to say how difficult it was to stand there and order a meal for him without getting anything for myself. No McDouble, no small fry but I refrained and felt good about it. I walked away from Mickey D's feeling a sense of accomplishment and gaining a realization that my mindset regarding my food consumption is changing. Praise God! I know it has been only through prayer and meditation on the Bread of Life and the Living Water that has sustained me in this process.



I have lost 24 pounds. This morning I weighed in at 210 lbs. I haven't been this size since Heather was pregnant with Dylan 7 years ago. My thought processes and train of thought is still not what it used to be, but it is getting better. I think my metabolism may be slowing considerably as I have been cold for 5 days straight. granted it has been cold for 5 days, but I usually thrive in such conditions. Today, even in a room that was 72 degrees, I was still chilled to the bone. I guess now I know how my wife feels ALL THE TIME (love you baby!). All in all, I feel great about the place God is leading me to. I think I will be better equipped to serve in His Kingdom by not allowing anything except my Savior, my God, and His Holy Spirit to exhibit any form of control in my life.

Thank you to all of you who have offered prayer and support during this journey. 24 days to go. I have never looked forward to Easter as much as I do this year. I am eager to look back and see where this journey takes me.

17 Down/29 to Go

So, I am over 2 weeks in. I am thankful for all of the prayers and words of encouragement. I have been very successful in achieving the goals I set out to achieve. If I made the decision to "cease and desist" today, while I would be disappointed, I do think that I would have a chance to continue good, solid, and healthier eating habits. Even when I give myself permission to eat on Sundays and Wed night, I am careful about the amount and kinds of food that I eat. The imminent feeling of disappointment is one of the things that keeps me going. There is much in life that I start and almost finish. This has become for me a secondary goal to attain in the end - the ability to press on beyond the mundane, boring, obstacles that are placed in my mind that derail my plans and to demonstrate the ability to maintain focus.

I have become keenly aware of the fact that we seemingly eat at every juncture. Any time we get together, the question arrises, "What do you want me to bring?" This has been some of the most difficult times for me in the past, but I can already see a difference in my mindset in situations such as these. I am thankful for fellowship of friends and family. I will also be far more cognizant of this fact in the future. The difficulty (at least for me) is the lack of structure in these eating times. Food is laid out and left out for people to come by and snack on. We have decided, in our house to have eating time and time to stop eating. Food is out away. This goes for snack time also. I think this will be a habit we continue after this journey has been completed.

The next four weeks will be devoted to meditation. I have spent the last two weeks in scripture reading and prayer which has been a help beyond anything I imagined. I think that working to improve the art of meditation will do many things in many areas of life. The calming effect and focus that meditation instills will be a benefit in personal, professional, spiritual, and family matters.

9/46 Concessions

So, I decided last night that sometimes one must make some concessions in order to find a measure of success. I have decided that Wednesdays will offer a small evening meal in order to help make it through the week. I feel much more confident in my ability to choose what I will and will not eat. I have lost 12 pounds in 9 days. I have found it very interesting that the only time I have actually felt hungry has been when something is cooking. Other than that, it has only been fatigue (and crankiness according to my bride).

I would write more, but apparently my train of thought has been also affected...

5/46 Renewed

5 days down and 41 to go. Today was a good day. Much needed moisture is falling down around town relieving firefighters if only for a short time, it has been another glorious day to worship the Lord, my sins have been forgiven, my God reigns victorious over the forces of evil in the world, and food was placed in front of me for the first time in 4 days.

I must confess, last night I ate a taco. Heather had made tacos for the kids at lunch. I had resisted and they smelled very tempting. Having several kids over at the house, we decided to get pizza. There was a spread of pizza and Crazy Bread and soda for several hours, and I resisted. But at 9:00 as I was cleaning up the kitchen I opened the crock pot and couldn’t resist the urge. I ate a taco.

Well, I made it to the first of 6 Sundays and I was looking forward to eating. I wanted something light for breakfast, so I toasted a couple of mini bagels and light cream cheese and added a small glass of milk. I very quickly resented the glass of milk. Surprisingly, the kids chose Mazzio’s for lunch – their buffet is pretty much a win all the way around. Heather can eat pizza toppings (no gluten), the kids eat all the pizza they want, and I get to eat a decent salad from the salad bar. It is a little more expensive than CiCi’s but they serve actual pizza and have more than 3 items on the salad bar. 2 pieces of pizza, one small salad, 3 small bread sticks, and 1 glass of unsweetened iced tea.

I was surprised, during 4 days of fasting the only time I felt hungry was when something was cooking. I feel confident that this week will be the same. I am thankful for my God who gives us everything we need. I am thankful for His Word, which teaches us the way to live for Him. I am thankful for His Spirit, which guides us and speaks to our hearts. And I am thankful for His Son, my Savior, who gave His life that I may live eternally. Now, I feel refreshed, renewed, and rejuvenated; ready to start the week.

May the Peace of God be with us all,

Peace <><
Joshua Fowler

3/46 I May Be Addicted

Food will have no control over any part of my life. I will be controlled only by the will of the Almighty God and motivated only by His love and saving grace.

So I have discovered, I might have a problem... Driving by McD's today, I actually found myself struggling mightily not to turn in and grab a McDouble. There were four quarters and a dime conveniently placed in the door pull of my truck. It was difficult not to stop for a quick bite of weirdly addictive, sub par, soy and filler hamburger "meat". I wasn't even really hungry, surprisingly but the pull was heavy. I pressed on and resisted the urge to stop there or at the Wendy's, Taco Bell, Bueno, A and W, KFC, or Burger King... all of which would have provided some quasi-tasty relief for about a dollar.

John 4.31-34

Meanwhile his disciples urged him, “Rabbi, eat something.” But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about.” Then his disciples said to each other, “Could someone have brought him food?” “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work..."

2/46 "I Graze"

I don't know if this is an appropriate realm for reflection on such matters. I know as a general rule, disciplines such as these should be done in private. However, I need the accountability to help me to conquer what I feel is a stumbling block in my life. I have frequently set out to do things better in my diet and frequently came up with convenient excuses to absolve those commitments. Much of that absolution comes from a lack of accountability. So, that being said, I document the following journey, not in order to draw praise from men or to set myself on a plane higher than others, but to set myself in front of men (or women) that may hold me accountable for the choices I will make over the coming weeks.

Food will maintain no control in my life. After only two days, bad habits are already becoming apparent. The habit most apparent today is my habit of grazing on food that may be lying around as I walk through the kitchen. Every day after school, the kids come home and get a snack. It happens every day like clockwork, we don't even think about it. Apparently, I do the same. While the kids were enjoying the beautiful sunshine and mid-afternoon feast of whales, cheese and crackers, grapes, applesauce, etc. I realized that I had walked by and grabbed a handful of whales and tossed them down the hatch. In fact, the realization didn't come to me until about an hour later when the heart burn set in. (Apparently a large handful of whales on a 2-day empty stomach don't mix well.) All that was spurned in me, then was a craving for more.

I wonder how many other things I do in my life that come as second nature but underhandedly and subtly pound at the infrastructure of the Godly father, husband, and friend I am wanting to be. I also wonder how many of those things do nothing but spurn me on to continue in what is undesirable while making the unwanted action less and less undesirable with each passing infraction. I pray for wisdom that only comes from God, a heart that is soft and receptive, and eyes that are wide open to see the places where my Savior has asked me to be different, to refrain from sidestepping those issues in my life, and to be aware of the guiding voice of the Spirit within.

Peace <><
Josh

Living Water

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

John 4.13-14



Living water is better. Ask any Boy Scout or camping fanatic. Water that is running is cleaner and cooler than stagnant, "dead" water which is often full of scum and bacteria. But Jesus is talking about water that is even better than that. He says that the water He gives becomes its own source inside those who will receive it.



Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent for many in Christendom. I have messed around with the Lenten experience in the past but really haven't stuck to too much. This year I am making a change. I have been keenly aware recently of how firm a grip food has on my life. Today is day 1 of 40 leading up to Holy Saturday, the day before Easter. The six Sundays are observed normally to celebrate the victory of our Savior in His resurrection. I will attempt to rely solely on water and the Living Water of the Word of God for sustenance. I solicit your prayers as I allow my Savior to be the only thing in my life that exhibits any resemblance of control in my life.

High and Mighty or Holy of Lowlies

“Preach on! Preacher.” To preach to a gathering of The Lord’s precious children is a humbling, awesome, thrilling, and frightful experience. To preach is to accept a most paradoxical position. “How am I, a mere man with flaws and downfalls just like everyone else gathered in any place, supposed to fill a role as the spokesman, mouth piece, prophet or messenger from Almighty God?” The sermon is indeed a crucial component in our worship. The moment where the word of God is handed down to His people through the tool we refer to as the preacher, pastor, minister, or you fill in the blank. There are a couple of mainstream models that we have come up with in an attempt to align two people in one – a sinful man and a medium for God’s Word. There are pros and cons with both.

In the “high church” model, a preacher may be in robes or in some other kind of ornamental attire set high above the congregation sometimes on a pedestal. It would be easy in this model for a minister in this position to feel elevated, separated, special, or set apart from the people. He may appear unapproachable by “common” Christians. However, donning and removing the robes may be a keenly observable way to separate the roles of a minister as “mouthpiece of God” and “caregiver for God’s church” (if such a distinction should be made). There are also times I question reverence with which we approach (or fail to approach) corporate worship. This model is generally better about drawing attention to the sacred nature of coming into the presence of God.

The “low church” model takes the opposite approach. The attempt here is to bring the preacher down to a level of equality with the church. Often a podium or pulpit is removed and at times even replaced by a coffee table. This model is generally good about focusing on the relational aspects of worship and the closeness with God that we have been given the privilege of experiencing. The minister is viewed in the same light as any other congregant. There may be a struggle in this kind of model in distinguishing between a fellow Christian interpreting scripture and a spokesman from God delivering a direct, convicting, and sometimes harsh Word from the Lord.

To preach or not to preach is not the question, but is a calling from God. It is a calling that must be taken seriously and with conviction by both the one in the pulpit and the ones in the pew. May we worship with possessed hearts, clear minds, and pure spirits so that our worship may be found acceptable to God and a pleasing aroma from His people.